


What Bruce Doesn't Know...

by canarycry (Frost_Iron)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: 'merica, Established Relationship, Gen, M/M, fluff with a side of explosions, happy 4th of july fuckers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 15:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11383371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frost_Iron/pseuds/canarycry
Summary: What Bruce doesn't know won't kill him....except that the bat boys fail spectacularly at hiding anything from their surrogate Father. Independence Day hijinks with a side of BatLantern and a tiny side of JayDick.





	What Bruce Doesn't Know...

"Don't panic." Bruce's eldest held his hands up in front of himself, refusing to let Bruce enter the cave. 

A heavy sigh passed through the vigilante's lips, his muscular arms folding over his firm chest. Bruce's patience (which was paper-thin on a normal day) was now non-existent. Hal had already used all of it when he 'accidentally' dropped a boulder on top of the batmobile. And so now to patrol, Bruce would have to get the spare car ready. 

"Dick. Move," he growled, taking his son by the arms and literally lifting him out of the way to enter the cave through the old clock. His son managed to get back in front of him, walking backwards as he tried to attempt some level of damage control for whatever hijinks had gone down in the cave.

"--you see it's the 4th and we wanted to celebrate, but we didn't mean for anything to happen..." Bruce sighed again and stopped listening as they approached the elevator. Dick was trying to lie his way out of this, but Bruce knew that his son had never been able to lie to him -- at least not well.

"Is everyone alive?" Bruce pulled up a text on his phone and smirked a little as he replied to Hal. Their argument earlier had led to some amazing angry sex and he was looking forward to punishing Hal again for ruining his batmobile.

"Yes everyone's alive...though I don't know how long it will take for Damian's eyebrows to grow back," Dick mumbled.

"As long as everyone is ali--...why would his eyebrows be gone?" Bruce glanced to his son who was nervously fidgeting beside him. He intended to question him further but he ran out of time when the elevator doors slid open and he was greeted with the destruction in front of him. Everywhere he looked something was broken. Computer screens were cracked, the spare batmobile was on fire, and even the bats had seemingly fled the cave. The penny had a large crack in it and the T-Rex was missing its head.

Bruce looked to his four boys and clenched his hand into a fist by his side. At least they all had the good sense to look remorseful about what had gone on down here while he was out saving the world. Even Jason didn't look nearly as cocky and self-assured as he usually did.

"Someone speak. Now." 

\----

_Three Hours Earlier_

_\----_

Jason strolled into the batcave like he owned the place, and if he was being honest he wasn't here because he needed help but rather because he had begun to grow fond of having a family again -- not that you'd ever catch him dead admitting that to them. He tucked his helmet under one arm and shifted his weight to one leg, taking in the three other birds that comprised his make-shift family.

"You birdbrains look as bored as I feel." Jason tossed his helmet at Dick who only barely looked up in time to catch it.  

Jason smirked and leaned against the computer console. "Nice catch golden boy. But I have to ask, are you being paid to sit here and monitor crime in Gotham or to watch..." he stole a glance at Dick's phone. "Otter videos? Really out of all the cool shit on the internet, you choose to watch videos of otters?" He sighed and shook his head. 

"Tell me _someone_  has something better planned for today, this holiest day of our country's independence other than sitting around like a bunch of spandex covered losers."

"Take care how you speak to me _Todd_  or I will decorate Father's cave with your blood," Damian spat, folding his arms over his chest. Jason nearly burst out laughing because god he looked _exactly_  like a miniature version of Bruce standing there glaring up at him -- but unlike Bruce, Damian's glare didn't intimidate him. He looked like a puffed up kitten, angry because someone had taken its food away too soon.

"Relax demon brat, we all know that Dickie here wouldn't let you hurt me. He loves me too much." Jason took delight in the blush that crept on to his older brother's face. Their relationship had yet to be announced to the family, but he suspected that most of them already knew. 

The cave remained silent for a few more minutes, save for the squeaking of the bats overhead before a small voice spoke up.

"I have some fireworks that I brought back from China." The attention in the cave turned towards Tim, who until this moment had abstained from speaking. Jason hadn't pegged his replacement as one to bring anything even remotely fun back to Bruce's precious manor, but he was pleasantly surprised to be proved wrong. 

_"Yes!_ That, I want to do that!" Jason's voice and posture had him looking like an over excited toddler, but he wasn't in the mood to care. He grabbed Tim and pushed him towards the elevator. "Replacement here will go get the fireworks while I set up the cave for the perfect viewing."

Dick frowned and followed Jason around as his lover began to move things from place to place. "Little wing...I'm not entirely sure this is a good idea. What if we wreck something and Bruce finds out? We'll be in so much trouble," he stated anxiously. Jason rolled his eyes and shoved Dick back into his chair. 

"We're not kids anymore Dickie, he can't ground us. So sit back and enjoy the show. Baby bat, prepare to tie him down if necessary," he stated, noting how Damian hadn't objected to the light show that was going to be premiering in the cave shortly. It seemed that Damian's hunger for chaos had outweighed his loyalty to his eldest brother and to his Father.

With Tim having returned from his room with the fireworks, the rest of the preparation went smoothly. The brothers set up chairs at the end of the cave that overlooked a large open expanse of rock. Jason held the the lighter in his hand, flicking it open ominously as he looked around. The smirk on his face grew darker as he neared the fuse at the end of the string of fireworks that would set them off.  

"3...2...1...fuck Batman's rules!" He shouted, lighting it before hurrying to his seat.

For a few glorious seconds, all that could be heard was the popping and fizzling of the smaller fireworks which exploded in a myriad of beautiful colors. Even Dick looked amused by the explosions in the air, until they started to go off with a _bit_  more force than Tim had anticipated these fireworks to have. 

"Oh fuck..." Jason's cursing was barely audible above the sound of the explosions rocking the cave. The bats screeched and flew out while some of the rockets hit the batmobile, the giant penny, and the T-Rex. 

"Tim! What the in the holy hell was in those fireworks?!" Dick yelled, hands cupped around his mouth. Tim replied but it was far too loud for anyone to hear and besides, now was not the time for questions but rather the time for damage control before the entire area caved in on them.

While Jason, Damian, and Tim worked on putting out some of the larger fires, Dick rushed upstairs to fend off Bruce whom was due home any minute now.

Jason turned with a fire extinguisher in hand, accidentally spraying Tim instead of a fire. 

As Tim sputtered, Jason heard a loud cackling and glanced over to see Damian doubled over, giggling like a schoolgirl. "D-Drake...looks as though he was consumed by a large marshmallow! He looks as ridiculous as ever!" Now normally Damian's outburst would have triggered at least a chuckle in Jason but before he had even had time, one last explosion echoed through the cave and this one had been much too close to the demon brat for comfort.

"Fuck fuck please don't be dead, Bruce will kill me." Tim and Jason rushed over just as the smoke cleared from around Damian. A small cough followed by a "-tt" reassured Jason that at the very least Damian was alive.

"No firework could kill the Heir to the Demon's Head. I am Damian al Ghul Wayne, and I--"

"Have no eyebrows. Oh my god Jason _look,_ " Tim snorted; it was his turn to laugh now.

Damian lunging at Tim was the last thing Jason had recalled seeing before the elevator doors slid open and doom stepped out.

\----

_Present_

_\----_

"You...you destroyed my batmobile." Bruce's voice sounded almost like that of a little child who had seen his toy taken away by a bully. "Go to your rooms...all of you. Now," he stated.

Jason frowned and folded his arms over his chest. "I don't even live here old man, go to your own roo--" Bruce's icy cold glare cut through Jason like a knife and he nodded obediently, dragging Dick and the others with him.

Once the kids were gone, Bruce sighed and moved around the cave, poking at things here and there.

"And _I_  was the one who ruined your day? I'd hate to meet the poor fuckers who get to deal with the aftermath of this shit show." Hal hovered above the second destroyed batmobile in one day.

"Those 'poor fuckers' would be my children. And believe me, they'll hear more from Alfred over this than they will from me." Bruce gave a soft chuckle as he lifted the head of the T-Rex. Alfred would have them cleaning up down here on their hands and knees. He hoped with toothbrushes. Maybe he would buy some and leave them out to prompt Alfred into using them.

He was broken from his thoughts by the grating sound of Lantern's voice.

"Hey Spooky think fast!"

Bruce turned just in time to get a face full of silly string and glitter. "What the fuck Jordan?!" Bruce looked ready to punch his lover in the face or maybe he'd just push his face down into a mattress later.

Hal grinned and shrugged, sprinkling more glitter over Bruce as he hovered above him.

"Happy 4th of July baby."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it let me know! :)


End file.
